Fuck It Friday: Exorcisms Now Available Via Skype!!!

You know, I've been saying for years that religion makes people crazy. Some religious nuts love everyone and some hate everyone. There's no shortage of priests having tickle time with children and apparently Jesus still loves them. I'm not even going to start ranting about religion. That will be a topic for another Fuck It Friday. This one pertains to religion, but is rather specific.

There is a Reverend in Scottsdale, Arizona by the name of Bob Larson (Bob the Reverend? That alone makes me chuckle) who specializes in exorcisms. Yep, ridding people of demonic possessions and all that good shit. I still say the best way to exorcise a demon is to tape headphones over the ears of the possessed and blast Justin Bieber, but they don't ask for my opinion. I didn't go to Reverend school. Anyways, the good Reverend Bob decided that he's going to put a new spin on the exorcism business. I suppose it's his right seeing as he claims to have performed more than 20,000 'old fashioned' exorcisms over the past four decades. Jesus, he's been exorcising for forty years. I can't even get off the couch and exercise for forty minutes.

Bobby has decided to embrace the technological age and is now offering to perform exorcisms via Skype. Yes, Skype; that lovely service we use to chat with friends in other states or countries and family members that we miss dearly. Sweet Bob is going to use that beloved service to rid some kind folks of their demons, literally. Me thinks Bob is getting too much sun over there in Arizona.

Here's the skinny: for the completely reasonable and affordable fee of $295 you can have your very own sixty minute exorcism. And to sweeten the pot a little (as if banishing your demons isn't enough), that money is considered a tax-deductible donation to the International Missions Program! I don't know about you, but I'm pulling out my credit card as we speak!

Head on over to Bob's website to find out more about this exceptional individual! He's got tons of stuff for sale, a link to his School of Exorcism and a DEMON TEST! That last part is my favorite. Of course, everything has a price tag on it (naturally), so I didn't look too much into it. However, I did check out Bob's YouTube page. That was more fun than I could have hoped. I especially liked when he exorcised a gay demon from this lovely older gentleman. Ah, the power of Christ compelled him indeed.

Bob inspired me to start my own service in conjunction with his. For the low fee of only $576.39 I can show up at your house with a bag of frozen breadsticks (with garlic, of course) and beat you silly with them, all the while screaming, "Mary didn't even have a lamb!" at the top of my lungs. I will only stop if you reply, "I'm compelled! I'm compelled!"

I'd better get off the toilet now.

God bless, you possessed bastards,

- The Absurdist