Texting & Walking = Trouble, Says Ridiculous Australian University "Study"

Sometimes you read the news and you come across something that is just so absurd and so unnecessary that it makes you lose a little bit more hope for humanity. Last week I read an article that did just that on CNN. The article, by Brandon Griggs, is all about a recent study by Australia's University of Queensland that proves the negative impact texting has on your ability to walk. Seriously... they studied it.

 

In the article, Griggs writes, "Yes, this behavior can be annoying. Now we have scientific evidence it can be dangerous." Hooooly shit. I didn't know that we needed scientific evidence to know that walking and staring at a small screen in your hand could be hazardous to our health. Thank god for scientists. Apparently, this study shows that people who are staring at their phones while they're walking are less likely to look at what's around them. Again, thanks for the update; I was unaware.

 

Siobhan M. Schabrun, an honorary senior fellow (whatever the hell that is) at the University and lead author of the study, says that texting and reading on your phone affects your ability to walk and balance, which may impact the safety of others who are doing the same thing. So, this senior fellow (honorary, mind you) has finally cracked the code! Two people not paying attention to where they're walking may actually collide with one another and cause serious and catastrophic damage that could change the very fabric of the universe. Settle down there with your studies, Schabrun.

 

The CNN article cites specific examples of the 'pitfalls' of texting and walking. For example, in 2011 a woman was texting on her phone and fell into a fountain at a mall. Last year, a man was hit by a car while he was texting and walking in the middle of a highway. Oh yeah, he was drunk as well. Congratulations, Mr. Griggs. You've successfully pointed out two stupid people among billions. I'm not sure that's news worthy or research worthy. If you'd like to read more about this 'study' or just get a quick summary of the absurd 'tests' they conducted, go ahead and read the article.

 

Dumb people do dumb things. I for one have been texting, reading and walking for years without incident. Do you know why? Because I'm not a complete moron. I use this thing called peripheral vision and I also glance up every now and again to see if I'm in any sort of danger. That's what smart people do. The people who walk into fountains and get hit by cars are clearly at the bottom of the gene pool, so do we really care? I certainly don't. There will always be stupid people. Their misfortunes have nothing to do with anything but their own stupidity. Take the number of people who text and walk and don't get hurt and compare it to the number of people who do. I guarantee that upon review you'll find that the attention and research given to the negative impacts of texting and walking was just downright absurd.

 

Marking my spot,

 

-The Absurdist

 

PS- Bonus points to whoever read this on their phone and didn't injure themselves.