Fuck It Friday: Skewed Priorities Value Super Bowl Over Family

          I recently saw a poll in the USA Today concerning the Super Bowl that left a foul taste in my mouth and it's just in time for Sunday's big game. It brought to light yet another reason to lose faith in humanity by showing just what our priorities are here in the good ol' United States of Idiots.

          The topic of the poll was 'What people would give up to go to the Super Bowl.' Here are the results: 23% of those polled said they would give up vacation. 21% would give up an important work responsibility, 20% would give up the wedding of a close friend or family member, 19% would give up the funeral of a loved one and 15% would give up the birth of a child. Yeah, give those last two a moment to sit in.

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          Okay, are you ready to talk about it yet? No? Alright, I can wait. 

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          All good? Great, let's move on.

          I can see the top three things people would give up to go to the Super Bowl (although maybe not this year, what with the cold and all). You can go on vacation anytime, but the Super Bowl is once a year and tickets are hard to come by. Work? Who gives a shit? You know what they say about all work an no play. I'll even go along with skipping a wedding. After all, it's not your wedding. Those three I could understand giving up. Hell, I'd probably make the same decision. The last two are a different story.

          If you would honestly skip the funeral of a loved one to go to the Super Bowl, then clearly they weren't that loved by you. For shame, I say! What kind of person says, "Nah, I'm gonna pass on Grandpa's funeral. I've got tickets to the Super Bowl," and thinks they're decent? I would call them morally repugnant at the very best. We only get one opportunity to say goodbye to our loved ones and you'd pass that up to go to a football game? You senseless son of a bitch. If you were one of my loved ones, I'd disown you in a heartbeat.

          Skipping the birth of your child is a whole different kind of pathetic. I'd like to find out the names of those 15% polled and tell their spouses; start up a good argument and make the bastards sleep on the couch. Or better yet, the barn where the filthy animals belong. Seriously?! How many times do you get to see the birth of your child? You created a human being and it's finally being brought into this world after months of preparation and excitement and you bail on that to watch a football game? That's disgraceful. No, it's downright unconscionable. You don't deserve a child. How many times are you going to abandon it throughout its life for something else? You are a stain on the whole world; a red mark reminding us of our errors.

          It's a game, people! What part of that is hard to understand? They play football. It's on television. With the technology we have these days, you can record it and watch it after you do your duties as a human being. This is just fucking absurd! If you're one of those 19% who would skip the funeral or the 15% who would skip the birth of your child, then you need to put away your device right now, think about what's important to you, and go apologize to everyone you know because you've probably already done something insensitive and awful to them, you big dumb jackass.

Yours until I find someone better,

-The Absurdist